(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
