I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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