I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize