Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
