your room smells of hookers.
And success
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
