i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
