So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
