Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we're chasing vodka with high fives
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
