so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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