well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
