I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
