Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
