her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Pooping to opera.
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