Whod you bang
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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