i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
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She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
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i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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