If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
