Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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