3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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