forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just had sex bonerless
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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