Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
