U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
