You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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