The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I need to sanitize my soul.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
