I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
