if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
