the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
