Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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