Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
