It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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