i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
