mondays should just be called national damage control day
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize