I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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