Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I love having hate sex.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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