Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
