My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
