where am i from again
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
