Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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