R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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