All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Randomize
