The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize