How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
