If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
