I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
