I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
