I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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