apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
