so explain again why im purple
no
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
