i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
