i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
