Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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