yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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