You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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