So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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