who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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