"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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