I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
