I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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