I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
