I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
