Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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