dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
