Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(519): View more from Ontario

i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...

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(630): View more from Illinois

Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"

(1-630): View more from Illinois

Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.

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(260): View more from Indiana

i just snorted my name. best moment ever

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(803): View more from South Carolina

that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins

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(315): View more from New York

You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.

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(256): View more from Alabama

I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.

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(716): View more from New York

All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.

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