I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
