awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
