Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
