I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
