hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
