he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
