The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
