Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
