he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.