yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize