I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
