They should really pass out barf bags in church
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.