New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
