Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
