If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My dick has a subreddit
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
