he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
