is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
