Don't EVER smell your tampon
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
