I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
