I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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