I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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