12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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