I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
