You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
