I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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